Sleeping Problems

I don’t even know what the fuck I’m doing most days, unless it involves the tip-tapping of keys. I’ve forgotten how to properly mingle with breathing bodies; I prefer the company of the characters who live inside my head to the people I meet when I go out with friends, on the rare occasion I go out with friends. The friends I most want to spend time with live miles and miles and miles away from my old house in this piss-ant village in Michigan. There’s one special lady who lives across the Atlantic, and I miss her. Funny how you can miss someone you’ve never beheld. Funny ho-ho, not ha-ha.

I don’t go out and paint the town puke anymore. If it weren’t for Fibromyalgia, would I still stay home on Saturday nights? Would I get all riled up when the phone rings after 7 pm? The friends I most want to spend time with would never phone me after Jeopardy has begun, and if we did go out on the weekend, they’d make sure I was home and in bed by nine o’clock. When I stay up until 5 am, it’s because I’m writing. Or binge watching Stranger Things, or True Blood.

My sister got me hooked on True Blood; Tara let me borrow her DVDs. She also has the complete set of Pretty Little Liars, but no thanks—I do have standards. I finished Stranger Things 2 this afternoon. Holy balls, what a terrific season! I do hope there is a third. It really boils my piss that Jim won’t watch Stranger Things. He also dismisses my attempts to get him to watch Black Mirror. Both shows are themes he is interested in, but for some reason, my fucking husband will not cooperate with me.

Jim works ten hours a day, and Nicole has been out on her own for over a year. I do miss my girl a lot, but being alone most of the day has its perks. For the majority of the day, I live alone. I like being alone. I don’t have to listen to the television screaming at me; I can play my music as loud as I want; I can read a book without someone interrupting me; and I can just sit quietly with my thoughts without someone asking me if I’m okay.

I like to sit in silence, preferably with Melvin in my lap. The sound of his purring is relaxing—hypnotizing. My mind wanders free, and opens up to brand new thoughts. Sitting with my kitty is my meditation. Some people in my life laugh about my relationship with Melvin. They think I’m being funny, or that I’m fucking nuts. Well, nuts to them, I say. I feel sorry for people who don’t know the special relationship between human and animal companion. For real, when my baby boy jumps into bed with me, and falls asleep on my chest, I’m overcome with the most relaxing sensation. My Melvin, he is the best therapy I could ever receive.

I’m tired enough to sleep now.



  1. I added Stranger Things on Netflix after reading this post. While I was at it, I also added O.I.T.N.B. because, believe it or not, I had never watched it. I’m on the 4th episode now and was up til after 2am because of it.

    It’s a toss up for me, what I do with my time. I want to write mostly. After that I watch stuff on the laptop – but everything I WANT to do is on my own. I have work so I have to socialise but I would rather not even do that these days.

    But, there are a few people in the world I can bear to be near to…and one that I miss every day because I’m not near at all. Not even close.

    I miss you awful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I watched a few episodes of Orange and never thought of it again. I think something shiny must stolen my attention. LOL

      I know how difficult it is to be sociable (especially at work) when you just aren’t feeling like smiling and chatting. I wish I could go to work with you.

      Because I miss you awful, too. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha @ something shiny. I rather like it but Ash has commandeered the laptop, so not tonight. She goes home tomorrow.

        I wonder if we may be tempting fate re. working together? As with your novel – maybe one day we will. When I have my studio in the sun, you and Jim can come and stay for the summer. You know…cos by then, we’ll both be so rich and famous with Lear jets and shit. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, what’s being alone like? lol
    It seems like being alone a lot of the time is healthy. When you’re alone a lot, you can sleep a full 8 hours, and still have plenty of time to yourself to do what you like, to enjoy yourself. When you have 7 people in your house… you can squeeze in some time by staying up really late, or sneaking out to your car at work. lol
    Maybe one of these days I’ll play hooky and drive up there and have a coffee with you. 🙂 That would be fun. I’m halfway through Stranger Things 2, and I’ve watched one episode of Black Mirror, which was the first episode about the British PM fulfilling, oh, let’s call it a kidnapper’s demand.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would love to have coffee with you! 🙂

      7 people is six too many. Just kidding. Family is important, and if I had to share my house with all of mine, I surely would. Except my mother’s parents. They can sleep in the shed.

      Black Mirror is super cool. I like the episode Nosedive.


      1. Fantastic! It’s a date. Where?

        Maybe I’ll just skip to that episode. Thanks!

        7 people is sometimes 6 too many… But sometimes it’s 5 too many. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, you should see me with my pups! I seriously look at one of them as my baby and snuggling with her is my life line. As I type one of my other pups is snoring on my lap. I am home all day long too… I sooo wish we were next door neighbors!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I did! I wanted to say that I relate to a lot of what you said in this!!! And also, Stranger Things was awesome!!!!! The last 10 minutes of the last episode almost had me in tears! So many memories of those school dances.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I love the Snow Ball scene. When Nancy danced with Dustin, my heart melted. I also got teary when Steve looked longing at Nancy through the car window after Dustin had gotten out went into the school. The soundtrack to the show is frigging way cool, too. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          1. That was it for me too!!! That actually happened to me at a dance in middle school…kind of the same way.. I was always very young looking for my age (still am) as a result the girls were never interested in me bc I looked like I was in 5th grade when everyone else was in 8th… but, sitting by myself on the side, I was confronted by Ms. Martin (our science teacher who was probably in her mid twenties) who asked me to dance. I protested and she took my hand and led me out there anyway. Much like Nancy she told me not to worry and that I’d be shooing the girls away from me in a few years. I remember looking around me and seeing all the other kids and teachers watching us. I wish I could go back in time and thank her for that. It really was a special thing to do for someone. She was a hero.

            Liked by 1 person

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