Fuuh! I can’t even right now, with your colossal fuck-uppery.

Dear Verizon, and HTC

I hate your actual guts. Both of you bastards have driven me to drink. On a fucking Tuesday afternoon. Tuesday! What the actual fuck is the Verizon Cloud? Where are my goddamned files and contacts??? The only thing that’s easy about using this back-up service you provide is losing my shit. Sure, I can manually enter my contacts, but how am I supposed to recover the 300 photos of my cat? 100 selfies? And eleventy hundred photos of my family? Oh! And HTC, you’re the fuckest-uppest. My phone keeps telling me I don’t have a SIM card installed. I can see the motherfucker in its slot! So what the actual fuck goes on during assembly there in Taifuckingwan? I can’t send a simple text message to my daughter telling her how much I hate your actual guts! I can’t make a phone call!

All of you motherfuckers don’t know me. You don’t know how quickly I go from 0-fuck you. I’ve already destroyed my old phone trying to get to its insides. See, the Verizon Cloud needs me to use my new phone to scan a goddamned QR number on my old phone in order to transfer my files and contacts. And the information will not scan!

Fuck you all so hard in the butthole. I hate you.

Eat shit,

Kindra M. Austin




37 thoughts on “Fuuh! I can’t even right now, with your colossal fuck-uppery.

  1. Dear Mrs. Austin,

    We’re having a hard time understanding your request. We understand that you feel angry, but we’re not sure what to do. Should we close down our Taiwan factory? Buy you a new cat to take new pictures of? Selfies for you to scan? Daughters for you to text to?

    Sincerely disturbed by the speed with which you resort to phone masochism,


    PS: the cloud knows all: you cannot hide from the cloud. It sees you, your every thought, your ever blog post. Soon, it shall assimilate your children. Resistance is futile.

    PPS: a new cat is free on your plan, but will require you to renew your contract. At a 4,000% price increase.

    PPPS: thank you for shopping with Verizon!

    PPPPS: we don’t have a soul, much less a butthole. We’re a corporation. We feed on you, and aren’t interested in sex, only your wallet.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahahahahaha! This is too close to reality.

      4,000% !!!!

      To be fair, I should say that the kind gentleman in Indiana gave me four free gigs. Because he couldn’t resist my winning personality. Or he was just doing his job. Whatever.

      PS: You kill me, Gregory Stackpole–you’re so fucking funny! 🙂 🙂 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well…. I have an HTC One. When they took my nexus 6 and made me use that cloud service, I wasn’t expecting it. But they made sure everything transferred correctly before they took my old phone. Granted, I had mine activated in store, so they did the legwork for me, otherwise I know I would have screwed up. Maybe you were given a faulty one? Deep breaths. 💕💕 But I love your rant.

    Liked by 1 person

          1. I keep telling myself I should just go back to the flip phone, no bells and whistles. I often feel I am too attached to my online life, and having a smart phone only encourages me to be in the know all of the time.

            Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes i dont blame you that way you can make sure to get your point across and get exactly what you need out of them..it does suck honey sorry you got stuck with so much aggravation! pains up the ass!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. And you know, I have problems every damn time I get new phone. When my husband got his upgrade last year, I was on the phone with these motherfuckers for hours, trying to get the new device activated. What the fucking hell? Morons.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. yes i dont miss dealing with them at all! I have no patience what so everrr with any of that shit.. i hope it works out for you tomorrow ❤

            Liked by 1 person

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