Dear Bag Of Dicks,

Late afternoon, yesterday, I was tending to my blog–reading my friends’ and catching up with comments. Whenever I receive a “like,” “follow,” or comment notification from someone I’m not familiar with, I always click to view their WordPress site. You, Bag of Dicks, ruined a perfectly good mood–a mood I don’t feel much of anymore, fuck you very much.

To my dismay–no, sheer horror! I clicked on your blog link to check you out. Because I’m a fucking nice person; I wanted to give your blog a look-see, and possibly “follow” you in return. But instead of finding a lovely blog, my screen froze, and a dialog box appeared explaining that my computer had been compromised by Trojan malware–you fucking prick–and that it was imperative I phone the Windows technicians at such and such number to resolve the issue (so we can steal all of your fucking money, max out your credit cards, assume your identity, and steal your awesome manuscripts).

That’s not how shit works, dude–Windows doesn’t do pop-ups. AND!!! I know I have a fully functioning firewall, you pathetic donkey fucker. I feel badly for all of those you have tricked with your scam. Shame on you! I wish I could junk punch you! I’d make you infertile, I would junk punch so hard!


Go to Hell and wait for me there, asshole.

Most sincerely,

Kindra M. Austin


20 thoughts on “Dear Bag Of Dicks,

  1. Well, bloody damn! I must say when I clicked on your category Explicit Letter there would be some erotic(a) form telling of some sort. I didn’t expect to find, read that you had been screwed over by some cowardly prick online with obviously no heart in body or brain in skull. Sorry to read of your horrific encounter and Happy to read that you were able to overcome and move on from this (I hope with little difficulty) experience. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I would like to take a few minutes more and say that your Honesty and Blunt thought and self-expression are truly priceless, so refreshing that in these days everyone is cautious to be politically correct. Neither bad nor good, mind you. But you have proven yourself a most Boadacious/Audacious artist. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I get cold called by these tossers too. It was only once my computer savvy mate reminded me that Windows is NOT the company, Microsoft is, that I was glad I’d not taken their bollox to heart. I’ve since had copious amounts of similar calls. I’ve tried various responses from hanging up to pretending I’m distraught at the news that I’ve corrupted my whole fucking street with my dirty, infected computer. I take great satisfaction, however, in letting them think I am fully taken in by their scamming Windows shit, before informing them that my computer is, in fact, an iMac.

    I love when you write this way – as you know. It brings back such memories. It makes me feel so proudly smug…or is it smugly proud?! โ˜บ

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I knew you had a nice side. But yeah we get this on the phone then you shout down the line cos they talk over you ‘Windows don’t call ..they hang up. I quite like it and take them so far down the line until its time to hand over details – they don’t even know about the shit they are reading to you. But why is a huge question, maybe too sore to do anything else for an

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Cold callers, yep. Claim they are Windows like I say. it can be fun but not for those less savvy. It is my mission each day to provoke them…one sod even called me back…but miss, you are in danger, real danger I said ok, as long as my computer is safe!

        Liked by 1 person

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